Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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