When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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