I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
sex in a hospital.. check
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
