He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
