If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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