Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
