so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
