Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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