I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize