Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
