I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize