No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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