cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
