This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
