I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
