not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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