I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
