dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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