Soap is not a condiment
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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