Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's blow job season.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
