I can tuck mytits in my pants
Your mouth is God's brothel.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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