Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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