did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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