As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
