im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
