I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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