He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
