I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
