Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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