oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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