Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
