My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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