because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Found the puke drawer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Everclear isn't food dammit
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
