it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
