Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
