Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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