The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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