then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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