I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
