I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to make out with him forever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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