I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
