ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
