I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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