I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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