I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
