we have officially lost it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
