So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
