i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
