Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
