And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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