i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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