im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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