Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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