I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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