He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I love you. Go after that dick
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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