I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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