You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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