I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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