Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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