D3 body, D1 cock
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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