I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
