Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
