OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
