LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
