You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
