Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
