hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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