he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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