Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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