please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
