i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
