my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
