You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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