I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
