found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
