sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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