you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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