chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
