I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
