Kiss
Puke
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We got so high we made milksteak
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
